Facebooks latest brain child to monetize their billion users post iceberg shaped IPO, is, wait for it…Birthday Gifts!  Check out their blog post here.  Does it feel like their reaching a little?  I mean, I know it’s bean bag and micro scooter heaven over at FBHQ, but I want to be in that meeting when some wet sack with a Atari t-shirt came up with that idea.  ”So our advertising sucks and isn’t making enough money, we can’t charge the users, because, you know, we don’t offer any real services and we can’t seem to get our heads around monetizing our mobile users, which is a shame because within 5 years that’s were 95% of our audience will be.  Hmmmm.  What about presents?”   Someone give this door knob another bucket of share options.

I have 2 issues with this:

1)  Since Facebook hit critical mass, it’s done for birthdays what Aldi has for fine dinning.  In years gone by you’d have a calendar or diary with everyone’s birthdays in it.  You’d check a few weeks in advance, go to the shop, buy a card and a thoughtful gift, take it home, wrap it and send it with explicit timing so it would arrive on the doorstep of your nearest and dearest on the day of their birthday.  It took effort.  It demonstrated care and consideration.  ”It’s the thought that counts”, remember that?  The fact that you remembered and went to this trouble means more to me than than what ever’s in the box.  Now days?  ”Have a great day. Shaz” on your wall.  Well how much effort did that take?!  A site you access 34 times a day, reminded you it was my birthday, gave you a link to my “wall” and you scribbled 5 words!  You’re all heart.

Now they’re taking soulless birthday best wishes to a whole other level of crapness, with these Facebook Gifts.  All you need do is select from a limited list of bland, generic offerings and hit send and box ticked.  But the best part is they actually let the receiver of these tokens of apathy choose the customizations  like size, color or taste.  Nothing says Happy Birthday like “I couldn’t even be bothered to think what size you were.”